Dear Alexis:
I’m female, 36, and married for 9 years with 2 young children (2 ½ and 5 years old). My husband and I have had a satisfactory sex life; we’re both happy and satisfied. I work near a “sex” shop and walk by every morning before work and when returning home. For the past 18 months I’ve walked by their front window where I see mannequins all in leather. Leather bodices, leather gloves, leather high heeled boots, leather masks, leather whips, and I’m intrigued by them. Truthfully very excited! During last year’s harsh winter, I bought 6 pairs of leather boots at a “regular” shoe store. I thought for sure my husband would ask why so many new boots, but he asked nothing. My husband and I are satisfied but I would love to mix it up with some leather for the both of us, me as a dominatrix, or role-reversal with leather (see how intriguing!). He seems conservative with sex. How do I broach the subject with him? Signed, Leather girl
Alexis Answers:
My intuition is buzzing on many levels. It’s more than simply speaking to your husband/partner! There’s quite a bit you said out loud (in your question) but there are points you HAVEN’T said that are – to use your words – intriguing. 18 months is a long time to keep this bottled up! Actually it has probably been longer than 18 months that you have wanted to “mix it up” but you haven’t admitted it to yourself. You’re not buying the 6 pairs of boots not because of the weather or you’re a shopaholic! BEFORE speaking to your husband, dive in to the intriguing part of this situation. What does intriguing mean to you? Is it more provocative or sensual or stimulating or it is magic? How are you intriguing in your life today? Does the leather equal power to you? Communication is key and sounds like it’s needed sooner than later. Who initiates sex in your relationship? How is it initiated? What is the depth of the intimate conversations your have with your husband. To paraphrase Will Smith from the film HITCH: “60% all human communication is nonverbal, body language; 30% is your tone. So that means that 90% of what you're saying ain't coming out of your mouth”. What is YOUR 90%? CALL TO ACTION: Leather girl: Identify how YOU are intriguing in your life
Today's Mantra: Without the leather boots, masks, whips, etc. You are that leather mistress NOW! What can you as that leather mistress “say”? How can you convey that message without speech?
ASK Alexis sex and proclivity coach/ CPC (certified professional coach)
Email: askalexis@kinkemagazine.com
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